note

Today marks a gift I’ve always wanted to give myself.

It may make the world go crazy or still.

Either way, I’ll be fine and better

In the lifelong quest for what’s real.

It's all that matters.

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m-ourney

A woman has walked a thousand miles, and in that journey she looked at her feet a hundred times.

One day, she asked it, “How far can you still go?”

The feet have withered all through these years. It has callus almost in all corners and sides. Its veins you didn’t recognize it always actually have 10 years ago. It’s a little sore and tired, swollen and used.

There’s no point to ask really because the feet can always go walk again for another thousand miles unless stopped, and if you think the next travel will be much easier, think not. The feet could never make the ground softer to walk on for you except maybe for the next travelers.

The question is, “Do you care enough?”

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Mean-ing

connect the dots

Often times, you talk about them whom you know will always be truly happy for you.

Then, there are those who can never be happy for you that you’d seldom think about because, first, it’s a really sad thought and, second, it’s a little embarrassing because no matter how much they’d try to hide it, it still shows. They’d really like it if you just stay as helpless, hapless, and just so down there in a relatively lower and poorer state than where they are in. To them, you are an entertainer that by the end of the supposed show, they will feel good about themselves, feeling more superior to anyone else. They are those who don’t give credit to anyone, who steal a lot of thunders from anyone, and let it rain on anyone else’s parade. They need you that way, feeble and unfortunate because obviously, they think everything is all about them. In fact, when they’d get to read this, they’d be the first ones to think it’s them.

...and they'd probably think you're clueless. >:-)

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letting out the child in you

J and J, being a child again.

The night was perfect to go biking outside. So we went and explored the neighborhood riding a bike. I swear it’s been ages since I’ve last had that experience. Then we got home, got to reality, and got to our “old” selves again.

There should definitely be more of this. I wouldn't mind. =)

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some kind of webby-derful

way connect-ment pero sige na lang. hihi.

It’s funny because while I find it challenging to simplify things or ideas, it’s what I actually do. And although we’ve probably heard a thousand times that you just got to do what makes you happy (and just maybe money will follow) and you’d be fine, I’ll say it again. I am fine. Thank you. =)


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Today is a very memorable day. I just have to write this, and write more about it by the end of the month or so, if all goes well as planned. ;-)

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I really don’t mind helping out or sharing ideas with others (not financially though because I can’t afford it. :hide:) When someone comes up to me and ask anything I may have full or little knowledge about, I’d gladly share what I know, and trust me, I won’t ask for anything in return. Hihi. I guess it’s my way of paying it forward, or just because.


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I couldn’t be happier to finally see friends’ websites and blogs. *jumpclap*

First, there’s Kusina Habana of Tiris and hubby who finally launched its long awaited dot com! Congrats, mam! You did a great job jud. As what I’ve told you, you have all the right reasons to get a dot com. You’re selling “real” products (not just char-char. Haha!) and of a sumptuous kind at that. =)

Second, there’s Cym. She finally got a new personal blog in blogspot. That means she could finally tinker more and make it as pretty as she and her daughter, Cybelle, are. I miss you, mam. That’s why it’s happiness to get to read you more and more. =)

Third, there’s Cathy. She’s just begun photo blogging. She’s wanted to do it but she’s a little shy and just didn’t have the time. But she finally did it. It’s about time she shares the beautiful photos she takes. This is just the beginning.=)

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tough times call for tough people

wacky road

Don’t we all have so much to say about the global financial crisis? I’m feeling it ever since when. I think we all have our own shares of worries. I thought, maybe if I were single, I wouldn’t be this worried. Maybe if I were rich, doesn’t matter if single or not, I wouldn’t be this worried. But who am I to say that when I am neither. Again, I have to remind myself, we all have our own share of troubles and worries.

Companies shutting down, downsizing, reorganizing, or cost cutting. Gas price soaring up.

And that’s beside the fact that my daughter is getting bigger (read: school), my husband and I are not getting any younger (clue: health and job opportunities), and my little family need a place of our own (think: we all have to grow).

Just some of those reasons why I hold on tighter to the blessed strings of bead even more, shed a few tears at night, stare blankly with an intent to ponder, and just think, think, and think.

Don’t we all just want to get this crisis over and done with? But it won’t be easy and short (think : the great depression). I expect it as a long haul, and honestly, I'm still trying to accept it with a strong heart as something beyond my control. You can't really blame me for saying that. We don't have anything more we can rely on aside from what we probably have already used up.

We can only count on ourselves by making the right choices, all the time, coupled with all the right attitude and perspective.

It was tough writing the last line. How much more when done? Help me God.

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why care

taking care of anshe.
Lately, a gruesome a thought it could be, death has become a lingering subject in my head. This is why I did something a few days ago that requires dedication and perseverance even if it’s not entirely for me but does most of all give me that little peace of mind. And with the sudden passing of the actress Natasha Richardson (no, we’re not friends. hehe.), a part of me confirms I did the right thing.

You know it’s actually great to think about death some of the time. It’s being brave. And, you get to appreciate your life more. You want to love your family, friends, and even yourself more. You get to be reminded that life is short and sometimes, swift.

My parents are imperfect nobodies but one of the things they always say to us (my siblings and I) is to take care of what we are--to ourselves and to everyone around us. Indeed, life may be short but it does not end on ours alone. Lives are intertwined that what you do now will not always be about you. Its consequences will almost all the time affect not only you but your husband, your children, your children's children, the rest of your family, your family's families, and even your friends, in different ways your present mind may not be capable to imagine.

Life may be funny but it is not a joke. Life is responsibility.

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a call to dream

playtime way past her bedtime

I have so many dreams I’d run out of paper and ink if I were to write them.

These dreams I will fight for they’re not only of me, by me, and for me.

It’s about family, friendship, and life –the kind that makes you shout and sing even under water and the kind that makes you smile even with covered eyes because you feel every bit of love even just for dreaming of them.

And for a heart capable to hold of so much love, it is plain marvelous.

Dream and fight with me.

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Puto Shoot

Para ninyo nga naa sa abroad. Mukaon ba mo ani? Haha!

I remember the time when I took up Humanities II (Art, Man, and Society) back in College. It was an elective I never thought I’d enjoy. Our teacher (Lily Rosebud Uy—God bless her) was very encouraging that sometimes she would show everyone my work for the sake of the fact that I was rather taking a very odd course. Haha.

I remember there was this one exercise where she asked us to bring a potato and a cutter. During class, she told us to carve any thing we could think of out of the potato. We were given (I think) 30 minutes to do it. Since I have never tried to do it before, I thought I should cut the potato in half. I always knew I am very clumsy when it comes to using the cutter I will most likely fail in the first try so the second half of the potato should come in handy.:hide: After 15 minutes, I still haven’t figured out what to do with the first half. I tried to just carve but the potato was formless as air. I looked around and my other classmates were doing acorn-like objects. I was in awe at how they’d done it. I realized I did not and could never carve outward. So I threw the first half of the potato and worked on the second half. I began to carve a flower inwardly. Toinks. Good thing was, our teacher had something else in her mind. We weren’t just supposed to present the carving to the class just as it is but were supposed to stamp it on paper. When I stamped mine on paper, I was impressed. It wasn’t that bad at all. In fact, my teacher showed it to my classmates and they were seemed impressed, too. It turned out I was the only one who did it that way, inwardly. So in effect, it produced interesting forms when stamped. Esee…haha! :hide: But of course, pila ra pod mi sa klase! Wehehe.

There are no rules in Art. Well, that’s what it is to me. I am or may never be artsy-artsy but I do appreciate forms of Art. To me, Art is (more than anything) a self-expression, rather than aesthetic by convention. It’s often contextual with immense subjectivity, and never a contest.

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I’ve been taking lots and lots of pictures. In fact, my phone is acting silly because I’ve almost used its entire memory. Haha. :hide: But you know it doesn’t really matter what you have. You can always work on it and with it. Matu pa ni Lynette, “di bitaw lumba ang life.” That could be applied to almost anything. What’s important is you’re happy and you’re happy. =)
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Thanks, Ai, for the inspiration. I know you know ikaw gapasiugda aning tanan bisan kinsa pay pasultion. Hahaha! Until now, I still couldn’t get over that first headshot of yours in your first multiply account. It’s still in my head. If I were a painter, I could have painted it with eyes closed. =)

Also, thanks Chelo and Lynette. The frequent visits I had to your photo blogs inspired me to get one for me. Your pictures are so inspiring that I felt like I’ve been to the US and Europe already. I thought I might as well share my mundane life in pictures to all of you, para malahi pod. Haha! Jk. =)

Unya karon naa na pod kang Tiris. Whattalayp! =)

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from where I stand

It's a long, long way to go. =)

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two Ps

sullenly bright

It’s amazing how each day springs up like yesterday needn’t have to happen.

Your hair and nails grow longer, never shorter.

The last thing you remember was setting on the alarm,
And the next thing you know you’d set it off.

Then it's time to have the hair and nail cut,
and set the clock.

Patience and perseverance– the wheel of life’s ever spinning drill.

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curly tops and whatnots

This one is for you, lynette. I know you love chocolates. Local lang ni. haha!

Happy birthday, Lynette! =) I wish you good health and more happiness and more happiness! *hugs*

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When I took this pic, I just know I’d have to include that “www” in the bag.

Something came to me while I was riding a jeepney on my way home. It was a stop. I was sitting at the far end so I could see the signal of the car right behind us. It was blinking on the right side and so I know it was supposed to turn right. But whoever was behind the wheel and whoever were inside that car, I’d have to admire. It turned out that the jeepney I was riding was blocking their way to make a right turn even if it said that the lane we were in is only for vehicles turning right. If it were probably another set of people in the car, they would probably be honking their horns mindless of the jeepney passengers turning deaf. Didn’t we all have to experience that? I just had to say God Bless to whoever these people were inside the car.

I think it all boils down to what kind of person you are, and of how you were built. There are people who could easily place themselves in someone else’s toes and at least, empathize.

But sadly there are people who simply don’t care about that. Once they get into that state where they are a little up there somewhere (take for this instance they needn’t have to ride jeepneys because they now have cars), they just get lost in the feeling. They honk their horns though they pretty much know it'd hurt. They just want to honk or blow one’s horns to anyone and think that that’s just how the world works: honk and honk.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, simply, there are people who are (to quote a friend) “maitim ang budhi.” No wonder why the world is chaotic and heartbreaking at times.

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atay

adobong atay

I love to eat “atay” even if a lot of people don’t and find it gross.

I guess it’s a given that we all have certain thresholds of tolerance and acceptance for almost anything. I may be crazy about “atay” while others find it so-so or disgusting, or you may love Bossa Nova music to the core while I find it a little boring. In one way or another, I may persuade you to eat “atay” but I could never teach you to love it like I do. Same goes to you who may insist that I listen to your Bossa Nova CDs but you can never insist for me to be crazy about it unless I, from the bottom of my heart, have grown to love it and be crazy about it. While we all know it would be lovely for both of us to be crazy about atay and Bossa Nova music at the same time, it just doesn’t work that way always. It’s either we both accept the fact that we have different tastes and still be around each other, or we grow apart because one or both of us cannot tolerate one’s taste for atay and one’s taste for Bossa Nova music. But of course, “atay” and Bossa Nova music are just way too lame an example.

Let me give you “values”, perhaps. I find it difficult to tolerate people who do not know where their loyalties lie, who do not know what “friendship” is even in kindergartens’ language, who smile, talk, and laugh with you but stab you behind your back, who wash dirty laundry in public (where’s the loyalty again), who pretend to be just innocently amoral (given their awfully sad past’s circumstances) but also busy being manipulative in the back of their minds. These are just some inconsistencies I can live without that I choose to just go away and leave. Is it really that difficult to accept and understand?

I have friends growing up. I didn’t just meet them somewhere and then just be friends. Don’t you think this should be in the checklist for a quick / late judge of character? Maybe yes, or maybe yes.

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Stoop not

pungko-pungko

Last night was one of the longest times I ever spent thinking of something. Lying down, my hands were in the back of my head, I was staring at the ceiling while my daughter slept soundly beside me and my husband, talked sense whenever I speak some of what’s in my mind and heart.

Then I slept and woke up to a day loving and appreciating:

my life,
my family (especially my parents),
my friends (especially you who are sensitive and considerate),
my self more, more, and more. =)


And the ever reliable Karma, too.

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that 7-minute

tren-tren

From the house, I take a 7-minute (brisk) walk to get to the highway. It is during this time that my eyes and my mind wander off in almost everywhere.

Seeing grade schoolers makes my heart jump every time. I always try to smile at them whenever our eyes meet, no matter how tired, terrible, and anxious I feel. Sometimes I get second-glances and sometimes I get a weird look. But most of the time I get giggles. If they only knew what they do to me, they’d probably walk with their head up high. They remind me of my past, of how I must have used to be: just a young student who just wanted to get to school on time. And they remind me of now: my dreams and the urgency to do more. And the future: my daughter’s of course.

I’d be a hypocrite to say I don’t rant and whine about every small to big bit of things. I do. But you know when you’re actually trying to be patient for something you couldn’t wait to happen but you know you must wait, it just shuts you up.

You just know you have to step on it but not step on someone’s toes. And you just know you might need to talk but not trash-talk to boast or insult. To quote my favorite Joey Tribianni of the old sitcom, Friends, “Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.”


Someday we’d get a house near our workplace, and my daughter’s school. Someday. Someday soon.

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not for the fainthearted

solitaire on top of notebook

Our life is not perfect. And I don't think I'd have a hard time to convince you that.

We don’t have our own house. We pay rent. We don’t have big savings. We commute. We feel tired by the time we get home that sometimes we pity ourselves, etc.

But it has taught me one of those precious little things in life and love– to be less self-centered.

That's a lot to be thankful for. =)

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sports illustrated

dada and football

I have to admit that one of the reasons that got me attracted to my husband was his love for sports. He loves to play football, tennis, and badminton. It was tennis and badminton that brought us closer together. Tennis was a sport I have tried to learn to play and have loved all my life. It is a sport my father plays well even up to now (buyag). And as for badminton, didn’t we all love to play this ever since we were kids? If it weren’t for my disc hernia, my husband and I would have still played badminton until now.

Sports are right here in my heart. I’d deeply encourage it. So every time I get to watch the most recent Milo commercial, I always become teary-eyed. It was wonderful looking at those kids playing basketball, taekwondo, gymnastics, etc. I wish they’d be forever passionate about it. I hope for all parents (including me) to be encouraging and supportive to their children. And I hope for sports role-models and idols to be honest and true to their influence to the kids and grown-ups who look up to them.

This is just me thinking and wishing out loud. Maybe life's wind of distractions and difficulties would be kinder and perhaps change its course to not blow the wishes all away and let them stay.=)

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of bricks and cobblestones

newly-shined brick floor

I've always been fascinated with floors made of bricks or cobblestones, especially when it shines.

It makes me smile like a kid again.

It makes me remember a female pen pal way back in college who lives in Denmark.

It makes my vision of the house I kept on dreaming vivid.

It is the reason why the movies "Only You" and "Hannibal" are memorable to me.

It just brings out lots of memories I hold dear.

Maybe someday when we get to build our house, it will have brick floors and cobblestones somewhere where I can walk and linger for as long as I want to. It'd then be like surrounding our house with wonderful dreams and memories. I'd really like that.

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writing

Stardust on Pencil
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"If you would not be forgotten, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would love that. Not glossy. No pretensions. No rubbing it in of mere delusions of grandeur.

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2.14

Love is made up of leather, gold, links, lock, and hearts.

Happy Hearts Day! =)

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